Eat To Forget

So when you're eating dinner at ten o'clock because you just got back from an awkward and contentious condo association meeting in the bowels of your building's bleak basement, Tamalehawk recommends reaching for the seriously serous splendor of a soft-boiled egg. Cook the egg in boiling water for about five minutes while you slice and fry your toast soldiers in a buttered non-stick pan. Sprinkle with smoked paprika and sea salt or don't but do, then eat until the last hour of your life is erased from your memory.

Expert cooking tip: Don't keep accidentally brushing your feathers against the side of the pan over and over again as you flip the soldiers in the burning hot pan because you're too lazy to get some kind of utensil.